Back when I first started dating, alcohol was a must-have. I needed the dutch courage, and it got me far enough to get married. Then when I got divorced, I found myself back in the dating game but sober. How was that supposed to work?
There are undoubtedly obstacles when it concerns sober dating. “Let’s grab a drink sometime” is how most first dates go; they may be uncomfortable, and hence, getting rid of your self-consciousness may seem like an advantage.
If you avoid drinking for whatever factor but still wish to date, here are my best sober dating pointers.
1. Be proudly sober
Don’t hide the fact that you are sober and do not drink. If you are internet dating, include this in your profile text. This reduces the strain you may feel when you show up at the bar/cafe.
- Don’t accept a drink if they buy one without asking you.
- Don’t assert to be on prescription antibiotics for infected wisdom teeth (” I’m not drinking tonight”) to buy yourself time.
- Don’t say you’re so hungover you couldn’t possibly drink again etc
Mentioning before the date, in a straightforward message – “By the way, I don’t drink alcohol, hope that’s not a problem?” – prevents clumsiness for them and you. They have an opportunity to understand how to play it.
It also gives them the chance to cancel… this sounds bad, but actually, it’s a perfect thing! It saves you wasting your time dating problem drinkers – they don’t make good partners.
I once went on a date with a woman and ordered a diet coke. She bought a bottle of red; I said I didn’t drink, so that would all be for her. She ordered it anyhow and drank the entire thing in about half an hour, without any food. She kept asking me why I didn’t drink, and the topic prevailed over the majority of the date. She messaged me later saying, “That was fun, let’s do it again.” followed by another message “Next time you’re drinking.” I never saw her again.
2. You do not need to explain yourself.
We live in a world where the people who choose not to drink poison are considered weird. Think about that for a moment.
At first, I felt I needed to disclose a bible of explanations to validate my teetotalism to any individual who inquired, detailing my previous experiences, devastating evenings out, how it destroyed my marriage… and so on. All I learned about them was their Christian name and what colour their hair was.
These days I hardly mention anything. I do not need to detail or rationalise my way of life to anybody. So have whichever one-liner feels suitable to you prepared … and leave it at that. If your teetotalism makes folks feel uneasy, that’s not for you to correct.
The best explanation I ever heard was: I don’t drink because I don’t like the way it makes me feel.
3. Being sober does not suggest you can only date sober individuals.
I was stressed over this initially; however, once you feel self-assured and relaxed in your soberness, it does not matter what your companion is doing. However, I do not advise dating heavy drinkers. Sure, you can get into a relationship with a drinker, but it’s not optimal. It’s just about determining what works for you and whether you appreciate the same things with or without consuming alcohol.
4. The nerves, the nerves
You may think you need alcohol to be brave enough to date. But really, doing things clear-headed is genuinely incredible. You learn more about a person on a degree that is sincere and genuine. You do not have anything to hide behind, which may be frightening. However, as a rule, liquor makes an extremely fabricated relationship. Sobriety allows you to date and creates a connection that is embedded in truth, with no drugs intruding, and that is very special.
5. You get rid of the black sheep much quicker.
Like the woman who attempted to make (force) me to drink. The ideal men and women out there. The quality individuals you want in your daily life will uphold your choice to be sober. Do not fret if you have a few dreadful sober dates with some losers. Just imagine, if you were still consuming alcohol, you might have wound up in an intimate relationship with or even getting married to one of them. Now isn’t that a sobering notion?
6. Be the coach.
Many people understand that when they quit drinking, they end up being a little bit of a sober support network for their drinking buddies who are playing with the thought of going alcohol-free.
Never preach your sobriety, but it’s always great to be a source of help to sober curious people. The majority of the time, this is just a response to a drunken misadventure and is quickly overlooked by the following weekend. But there are plenty of individuals who wish to live a more disciplined and sober life and need some assistance in advancing in their quest. I know I did.
Whether that’s a good friend or an intimate associate, it is essential to discuss these things non-judgemental. Everybody is on their course, and you can not compel anybody to quit drinking. But often, a supporting ear can go a very long way.
Sober Dating, Ready?
If you are ready to start your sober journey and maybe even do a little sober dating. Click here to get started or book your place on our next free quit drinking webinar.