Is Your Partner ALSO A Problem Drinker?

Drinking alcohol socially is a norm in many societies. While an occasional drink might seem harmless, the boundaries blur when it transforms into a daily ritual. As one becomes a problem drinker, they often find solace in the company of others with similar habits. These individuals unwittingly become enablers, and understanding this dynamic is crucial to breaking the chain.

Enablers, whether knowingly or unknowingly, play a role in supporting or allowing the problem drinker’s behaviors. These could be friends who invite you for “just one drink” or partners who buy alcohol for the home, claiming it’s “just for the weekend”.

But how do drinkers enable each other? What makes them play a part in perpetuating an unhealthy cycle? Let’s delve deep into the hidden nuances.

The Power of Collective Denial

Group drinking often becomes a shield that masks the severity of one’s drinking problem. When surrounded by others who drink equally or even more, a problem drinker can easily dismiss their own habits as “normal”. This collective denial acts as a safety net, making it hard for individuals to recognize the depth of their issues.

For instance, a functioning alcoholic might rationalize their drinking habits by pointing out friends who drink more than they do or still manage to perform daily tasks despite heavy drinking.

The reassurance derived from such comparisons fosters complacency and discourages self-reflection. Instead of seeking help, the problem drinker finds false comfort in numbers.

Shared Experiences and Mutual Justifications

The bond between drinkers often deepens through shared experiences. Conversations around wild nights out, forgetting worries, or tales of drunken escapades create a sense of camaraderie. These shared narratives serve as mutual justifications, reinforcing the idea that one’s drinking habits are not out of the ordinary.

Moreover, by sharing stories of drinking escapades, there is a subtle competition that takes place. A problem drinker might think, “If they can drink that much and be fine, so can I.” This not only normalizes excessive drinking but also glamourizes it.

The Fear of Being Left Out

Humans inherently seek social connections. The fear of being left out or missing out on fun times can act as a powerful deterrent for those contemplating reducing their alcohol intake. For a problem drinker, the idea of not being part of the “fun” can be daunting. This, combined with peer pressure, can lead to continued indulgence, despite being aware of its adverse effects.

Moreover, the misconception that sober people don’t have fun further deepens this fear. It paints a grim picture of sobriety, making drinkers apprehensive about taking the leap.

It’s essential to remember that life without alcohol doesn’t equate to a life without joy. Many find renewed purpose and happiness once they overcome their addiction.

Breaking Free from the Enabling Cycle

Recognizing enabling behaviors is the first step towards a healthier relationship with alcohol. Instead of seeking validation from others, it’s essential to introspect and understand one’s relationship with alcohol. Is it a source of genuine joy, or is it a crutch?

Quitting alcohol can be a daunting journey, especially when surrounded by enablers. However, with the right resources, support, and determination, it’s a journey worth undertaking. The freedom from the shackles of alcohol offers a life of clarity, improved health, and genuine happiness.

The Hidden Struggles of a Problem Drinker

Life through the lens of a problem drinker is a tapestry of highs and lows, woven together by the threads of dependency, denial, and despair. What starts as a casual drink with friends can rapidly descend into a downward spiral where the bottle becomes both a crutch and a cage.

The external world might see them as someone who enjoys a good time, perhaps too frequently. But internally, the life of a problem drinker is riddled with challenges, pain, and a silent scream for help.

While each person’s experience is unique, some common themes paint the picture of what life feels like for someone trapped in this cycle.

The Daily Battle with Cravings

The sun rises, and with it, the all too familiar urge kicks in. The craving for that first sip is not just a desire, but a dire need. As the hours roll on, this urge can become overwhelming. The mind crafts rationalizations – “It’s been a tough day”, “I deserve a drink”, or “Just one to take the edge off”. Combatting these alcohol cravings becomes the focal point of their day.

For many, alcohol becomes a coping mechanism for stress, sadness, or even boredom. This dependency ensures that the problem drinker structures their day around their next drink, sometimes planning meticulously to ensure they have access to alcohol.

Yet, post the temporary high, the guilt, shame, and self-loathing sets in, only to be drowned again by the very substance causing it.

Physical and Emotional Turmoil

The constant consumption of alcohol wreaks havoc on one’s body. From physical signs of alcoholism like a puffy face, bloodshot eyes, and shaky hands to deeper health issues like liver damage, high blood pressure, and increased risk of cancers. The body’s plea for respite often goes ignored.

Emotionally, the roller-coaster is even more intense. While alcohol might temporarily escape reality, the emotional aftermath is often devastating. Feelings of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness become frequent companions. Relationships strain and break, and the isolation drives them further into the clutches of alcohol.

The fear of judgement and the stigma associated with being labeled an “alcoholic” further traps them in a silent struggle.

The Isolation and the Mask

Many problem drinkers become masters of disguise. They perfect the art of hiding their addiction, wearing a mask of normalcy to blend in. Empty bottles are hidden, breath mints are always at hand, and excuses are crafted ingeniously. This dual life is mentally exhausting.

But the facade is not just for the world. Many problem drinkers are in denial. They compare themselves to others, convincing themselves that they don’t have a “real” problem. Phrases like “I can stop whenever I want” or “I am not as bad as X or Y” become mantras.

This isolation, both self-imposed and societal, magnifies their challenges. The lack of genuine communication and understanding creates a chasm between the problem drinker and their loved ones.

The Road to Recovery

The journey out of the quagmire of addiction is never easy. It requires immense strength, support, and self-awareness. Recognizing the issue is the first step. Seeking professional help, joining support groups, and rebuilding damaged relationships are crucial pillars of this journey.

It’s also vital to remember that relapses can happen. But with each attempt, the road to recovery becomes clearer. With determination and the right resources, a problem drinker can reclaim their life and find joy in sobriety.

About the stop drinking expert

Craig Beck ABNLP. ABHYP. DhP. ICS. has been a professional alcohol cessation therapist since 2010. He has helped over 250,000 problem drinkers using his personal experience and professional training in the field of addiction recovery.

After struggling with his own alcohol addiction issues, Craig went on a journey of self-discovery and learning, studying the underlying causes of alcohol use disorders and how to overcome them. He has since become a board-certified Master Practitioner of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), The American Board of Hypnotherapy certified therapist, and an ICS-certified life coach specializing in alcohol addiction recovery.

Craig's personal experience with alcoholism gives him a unique perspective on the challenges of quitting drinking and staying sober. He understands the emotional and psychological factors contributing to addiction and knows how to help people overcome them.

In addition, Craig's formal training and certifications provide him with the knowledge and skills to develop effective strategies and techniques for addiction recovery. The Stop Drinking Expert approach to alcohol addiction uses a unique combination of CBT techniques and NLP reframing.

Craig's qualifications are evident in his successful track record helping people quit drinking. Craig Beck is the author of several alcohol addiction books, such as "Alcohol Lied to Me" and "The Alcohol Illusion".
His website,, provides a comprehensive guide on how to quit drinking, including practical tips, strategies, and resources for recovery.

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