I got sober and was shocked by what happened next
I got sober and I expected life to suck!
From the age of twelve, alcohol robbed me of my self-respect, hopes, and confidence. All drinking really gave me was the continuous failure to live to my full potential, and it’s taken me more than a decade to discover this.
As a kid, I believed that I didn’t fit in, and I despised the way I looked. I had no confidence, I began drinking at age twelve and discovered that booze took all my nervousness away, so I was wasted most weekends and blackouts were an everyday thing for me right from the get-go.
As I drank more friends started to dump me
This continued for many years; my lifestyle was disorderly and heartbreaking, with drinking in the middle of everything. I made numerous vows to myself and people around me. I would only drink on Saturdays and Sunday, I would not do shots, I would slow down a bit, I always struggled to keep those promises and I could not understand why.
I wasn’t just a party girl; I could not stop drinking once I started.
I never understood why I got myself in the predicaments I did when I was wasted. Everyone who loved me was concerned and many were expressing their worry and telling me I had to stop it.
My teenage years were a repeating pattern of dangerous behavior until spring 2016 when I ‘d had enough. I was depressed, in the red and could at long last see that my quality of life had been destroyed by drinking.
I promised to get clean.
I went to AA and did everything I could to stay away from booze. My way of life got significantly better but there was a part of me that failed to really believe I was an alcoholic. I simply wanted all the pain and misery to end.
I believed that I was too young to have a problem with alcohol, surely I was over-romanticizing the drama! After a year of soberness, I had put on my rose-tinted glasses and lost sight of the agony that drinking had caused both myself and the folks around me and began consuming alcohol again, believing I could now control it.
Within a week of going back to drinking, I was skipping work!
I was hooked
I assumed I could simply quit again, but I couldn’t. I was hooked. I rapidly lost any self-confidence I had accumulated and was doing the same things I had before and much worse. My behavior frightened me, but I learned to conceal my embarrassment to ensure that I wasn’t challenged by my friend and family.
Daily life ended up being increasingly more disorderly as my health started to suffer, but to the outside world, I was having a fun time.
It was an extremely well-oiled machine, I would upload pictures on Facebook of all the incredible vacations and activities I was going to, but behind the scenes, it was a really different tale.
I was hardly eating and I would make certain any pictures were taken before I got blind drunk.
There were never any photographs taken the following day when I was in chaos. Many friends would praise my life (or how it appeared to be on social media) and notice what a good time I was having, and I began to believe the lie too.
The final couple of years of my drinking were absolutely dreadful.
I humiliated myself in inconceivable ways, I hurt the individuals I loved the most and nearly died numerous times.
- I wound up in another country once, alone with no cash or even jacket to keep warm and an uncharged cell phone in my pocket.
- I awoke in an emergency room after trying to kill myself with my brokenhearted mom by my side, only to leave the medical facility and drink again.
My alcohol abuse was like strolling to the edge of a precipice and leaping, and each time not knowing if I ‘d make it.
It’s an extremely grim and unhappy place to live, knowing you have absolutely zero control over your own body and decisions and taking it anyway.
Alcohol took me to rock-bottom
I was very fortunate to have individuals who stood by me and helped me in attempting to get clean. I had got to the point where I didn’t wish to live any longer, with or without drinking.
The moment I chose to acknowledge I could no longer alcohol in my life is the moment I became free. I can now do just about anything and everything I wish, provided that I don’t put that poison in my body.
I was shocked because it is not a life sentence, as I once assumed, but a brand-new lifestyle determined by me and not by booze.
If you are looking at this and questioning why you can not ever just have one drink without destroying your life; it does not need to be like that. If you can identify with to the agony I was in, there is an escape.
No matter what your age.
Alcohol lied to me continuously. It said to me I needed it, it told me this time around would be different, it told me life was more enjoyable when I had it when in actual fact my life without it has given me the very sensation I’ve always yearned for, genuine happiness.
I am choosing to be open about my experience as I understand there must be lots of people hurting as I did, not understanding how to stop it all.
Getting clean was the toughest thing I’ve ever done, but every second of it was worth it for what I have right now.
At 25 I now have the best times of my life sober. I am happy, just as I am. I do not need to put a drug in me to make me feel comfortable with myself.
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What Bella discovered is life without drinking is not only healthier but better in all respects.
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