Dating after quitting drinking – how is that supposed to work?
Dating after quitting drinking
Alcohol causes serious damage to relationships, that much is obvious. However, it also covers up problems and dysfunction in your relationship.
When you quit drinking you are faced with a choice, to repair the damage alcohol has done to your relationship or to address the issues that alcohol was making you avoid dealing with.
When I stopped drinking my marriage also came to an end. I am not saying that quitting drinking caused the collapse of my marriage.
Rather it was a period in my life where I decided I needed to learn how to love myself.
The short story is, I ended up being sober and single for the first time in nearly two decades.
Whether you are in a similar experienced position or young free and single it is natural to worry about how you date and avoid alcohol at the same time.
The good news is, while appears that alcohol and dating are intrinsically linked.
Dating without booze is actually much better and much more rewarding.
You may worry that you will be more nervous and less confident without a little glass of Dutch Courage but as I have previously explained:
Alcohol doesn’t make you confident it just makes you stupid. You are less risk adverse and likely to charge ahead not because you are braver but rather because your intellectual capacity has been compromised.
I also remember going on drunken dates. I would start the evening not being very attracted to the woman I was talking to.
On the flip side, ask yourself ‘do you really think women are impressed by the drunken, slurring approaches of men who need alcohol before they can act’?
What I discovered, to my shock, was that some women refuse to date you when they find out that you don’t drink alcohol.
When you get rejected for this reason it is easy to feel resentment toward your sobriety. This is a mistake because you have actually been saved from wasting your time dating an alcoholic.
Only fellow ‘problem drinkers’ will refuse to date a teetotaler.
They know it would cause them a huge psychological pain to be with this person. They would have to sneak drinks when the other person wasn’t looking to try and portray their drinking as ‘normal’.
If you want to make your life 1000% better then your goal should be to be in a relationship with someone who drinks in moderation or, even better, not at all!
I was in a long-term relationship with a woman who had a drinking problem and it broke my heart.
While I was never tempted to join her, it hurt to see a bright and intelligent woman turn into a stupid, brainless zombie.
Today I am in a beautiful relationship. My partner Daniela drinks about 2 beers a year!
That means we never have alcohol in the house, neither of us ever waste a weekend in bed suffering from a hangover and we never upset each other with silly drunken mistakes.
Women Prefer Sober Guys
Forgive me if this answer is geared toward men, it’s just written from my own personal experience.
Women who are looking for a long-term relationship have certain filters. They want an alpha male of value who is a successful, reliable provider.
I do not mean they are looking for a man to pay for their every whim. Just that he is mature and responsible enough to hold down a decent job and make her proud of him.
There are a couple of things that you can bring up on a first date that will set huge alarm bells ringing in the mind of many women.
It should go without saying that a relaxed view on infidelity is a big no-no. However, mention that you love to go to the casino or start every anecdote with “one time when I was drunk’ and she will have red flags all over the place.
Many women have experienced the pain of being in a relationship with an addict. They know that whether it’s booze or gambling, it will ultimately lead to a dishonest and painful relationship.
Sober guys are more valuable!
Aesthetically there are many benefits to dating without alcohol too.
The hard reality is, non-drinkers just look better.
They take better care of themselves and invest more in their appearance. Drinkers spend most of their spare cash on booze. They look tired, blotchy, bloated and tend to be overweight.
Stop worrying about taking the alcohol out of dating. When you understand the truth behind the smokescreen you will realize it’s a huge benefit for everyone involved.